The Blitz  February Blog - 2/7/2007

The month with the most holidays with no days off
from work for me. Groundhog Day, Mardi Gras Day, Chinese New Year, Ash Wed., Presidents Day, Lincoln’s Bday, Valentines Day, and Washington’s Bday.
New Rule- if I don’t have off from work, then it ain’t a friggin’ holiday! What the hell do we need a Groundhog Day for anyway? Your telling me that I’m supposed to believe a giant furry rat predicting the weather. The reason he climbs back into
his hole is not because we’re getting a longer winter, it’s because
he’s scared shitless! How would you feel after you just woke up
from a four month hangover and theres a thousand people with flash bulbs blinding you?! I can’t wait for Pet Fish Day or Pet Snake Day or Hampster Day or Water Buffalo Day. Here are some other holiday suggestions: Asshole Day, Work Sucks Day, Nice Ass Day, Movie Day, Get Drunk Day (wait..isn’t that the same as St.Patricks Day?.skip that one), Be Kind to the People Who Work at DMV Day, Britney Spears Day (she could use one), Big Hooters Day, and Freaky Love Day. Valentines Day. My Birthday. Great Day. Nuff Said. I’ll take some of your Holiday suggestions as well.

The Blitz Holiday Blog - 12/12/2007

Ho-ho-ho, the holidays are here and that means last minute shopping for your loved ones.  Send them a bottle of their favorite beverage and be done with it already.  We all need a stiff drink during the holidays anyway.  I miss the days when all you cared about was having off from school and getting some stupid, expensive game you would play with for two weeks and then forget about it. Socks and underwear as a gift?! Who needs them. I go bare back Anyway. Save your money for the old dude who rings a bell outside Wal-Mart.

What’s up with one hundred versions of every Christmas song ever written. Do I Really need to hear Seven Dust’s version of Silent Night?! Hellz no!  You know what I want for freakin’ Christmas, that hot chick dressed up as one of Santa’s helpers at the mall. I’d liked to see her wrapped in edible wrapping paper under my tree. Yeah! . Christmas cards by email?!  Are you kidding me? How freakin’ Lazy can you be that you can’t lick a damn stamp. Put down your X Box and stop Playing Guitar Hero for five minutes, get your butt off the couch and mail a card mush mouth.  I love going to Christmas parties. Unless your putting Southern Comfort in my egg knog, leave it at Wawa.

 A note for those throwing parties—Christmas is in the “Winter Time”…everyone is wearing sweaters—turn the damn heat down in your house!!  Aunt Bessy weighs 300 plus and wears three turtle necks..do you know what that looks like after an hour?..I should bring my wet suit and surfboard for some wave action with the way she perspires! Ho-ho-ho I’m done.

And to all a good night!! Happy Holidays to everyone!!!